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Wonderfully Complex

Catholics at Santa Sophia Take on Gay Apologist

By Allyson Smith

Father James Schexnayder, director of National Association of Catholic Diocesan Lesbian and Gay Ministries, urged Catholics to "honor the complexity" and "giftedness" of homosexuals, intersexuals, bisexuals, and transgenders during a January 16 at Santa Sophia parish in Spring Valley.

According to sources, the diocese of San Diego had no advance knowledge of Father Schexnayder's lecture because the notice of his talk was faxed to other parishes directly from Santa Sophia. However, Santa Sophia office manager Mary Keeley confirmed in a January 28 telephone conversation that the diocese "knew he was going to be here." At least two parishes -- Mission San Diego de Alcala and Immaculate Heart of Mary in Ramona -- carried notices of the event in their January 13 bulletins.

Founded by Father Schexnayder in 1994 in Oakland, his national association has been criticized in conservative Catholic circles for encouraging the homosexual agenda. Writing in the March/April 2001 issue of St. Catherine Review, Michael Rose stated, "Speakers [at past group conferences] have unapologetically supported 'covenantal gay friendships,' i.e., same-sex marriage, adoption of children by same-sex couples, artificial insemination for lesbian 'mothers,' special rights legislation for homosexuals, introducing homosexual issues into religious curriculums, and inviting gay and lesbian Catholics to be eucharistic ministers, lectors, and catechists."

Father Schexnayder is also a co-author of "Always Our Children." The controversial document was issued by the U.S. bishops on October 1, 1997 without following the bishops' normal review procedures. It was subsequently revised in June 1998 after criticism of its errors, including advice to parents to adopt a "wait and see" approach toward adolescent children suspected of experimenting with homosexual behavior.

Before introducing Father Schexnayder to the audience, Santa Sophia pastor Michael Ratajczak led an prayer based on Psalm 139 in which verse 39 was altered from "I praise you, so wonderfully you made me; wonderful are your works" (New American Bible translation) to "Thank you for making me so wonderfully complex."

Father Schexnayder began his address to Santa Sophia's "Parents and Friends of Gays and Lesbians" support group by recounting the many "diverse ministries" he has been involved in. He described the group as a "welcoming ministry" that "calls for safe and supportive environments" where "gay and lesbian Catholics [and] their parents and family members can begin to tell their stories ... as baptized members and gifted people in the community."

"Gay and lesbian Catholics," he said, "have had to encounter in a lot of judgments, rejections, sometimes even harassments in the context of family life, in the parish, in school settings or work settings," but "I've found in the innumerable people I've met, so many examples of real faith, holiness, and commitment to the Church, despite everything."

"Sexuality," said Father Schexnayder, "primarily has to do with who we are, not what we do, and it's very similar to spirituality, which is about who we are as persons, [but] it's much broader than that.... Sometimes we think of complexity as a problem. It's also a gift. It's wonderful."

Referring to hermaphrodites, Father Schexnayder said, "Parts of this wonderful complexity, components of sexuality, are biological effects, the genetic factor being physically determined as a male or female person, although part of the reality is that a small percentage of humanity are intersexual where there's more ambiguity or mixed genitals, incomplete, which presents a different challenge.

"There's also gender identity," he continued, "which is about how we feel about being physically male or female and how we integrate that, and this presents the reality that some people don't feel at home with their physical sexuality, and that brings up the issue of transgenders and gender roles which are culturally learned and changeable. In other words, what do male and female persons do -- at home, at work -- and these are changeable in our society ... and part of that reality is bisexuality, which is not about twice as much sex or twice [as much] of anything (laughter). It's about the fact that some people have complexities to how they feel drawn to others."

Father Schexnayder implied that the virtue of chastity for homosexuals need not preclude sexual activity by distinguishing it from celibacy and framing it as an issue of "integration" instead: "Regarding sexual behavior, he said, "the Catholic Catechism addresses the virtue of chastity as an aspect of the life of Christian gay and lesbian people. It does not use the word 'celibacy' for gay and lesbian people; the word is 'chastity." And it defines chastity this way: Chastity means the successful integration of sexuality within the person, and thus the inner unity of the person in their bodily and spiritual being. It's about successful integration."

During a question-and-answer session following Father Schexnayder's talk, some attendees praised the the group model while others pointed out that he did not address traditional Catholic doctrines such as mortal sin, the need for Confession, and paragraph 2357 of the Catholic Catechism which states "Homosexual acts are intrinsically disordered.... Under no circumstances can they be approved."

One man said, "It's terrific ... and that the Church is working to reduce homophobia and accept people. This is all very positive, but we're the parents of a young gay woman who frankly doesn't come to church anymore. And I think one of the reasons that I think, when she looks at what's available to her there, ultimately marriage is not available to her there.... It seems like we're putting gay people over there; they're not allowed to blossom into marriage and a sanctified union. And I wonder if that's ever going to change."

Father Schexnayder responded by quoting an article written last year in Catholic San Francisco by the rector of the archdiocese of San Francisco's St. Patrick Seminary, Father Gerald Coleman, whom he called "a moral theologian of great note and very respected by the bishops": "Some homosexual persons have shown that it is possible to enter into long-term, committed and loving relationships named by certain segments of our society as domestic partnerships. I see no moral reason why civil law could not in some fashion recognize these faithful and loving unions by according them certain rights and obligations, thus assisting persons in these unions with clear and specified benefits."

Father Schexnayder added, "I don't think the Church is going to deal with gay and lesbian marriages, but in its history and those who have done research on this, the Catholic Church and other Christian churches like the Orthodox church, have in fact in history blessed same-gender unions as spiritual bondings, and there are saints who have had very committed relationships."

A male in the audience praised Santa Sophia's Catholic Gay/Lesbian Support Group, saying, "When I joined this small church group with Father Mike and Sister Margaret (Eilerman), I only had two relationships in my life. One was over 30 years, and he's been dead two years.... Nothing I ever did in bed, I or my partner, did I ever have the slightest bit of guilt about it. It was a beautiful, private, sharing experience.

Addressing the father who had lamented that his homosexual daughter could not be married in the Church, the homosexual man continued, "And I would invite you to pass a little of that on your lesbian daughter -- let her be a part of this pioneering spirit that is already happening so much. And with our little group, we have become lovers of one another, male-female. It's just been the most enriching, spiritual, emotional, wonderful thing that has happened in our lives. Invite her; I'll give you my phone number. The group itself will show her just what the Catholic Church has to offer her, and that bottom line of conscience is Church teaching."

Donna Malley of San Diego reminded Father Schexnayder, "For Catholics, for unmarried people, chastity has to include celibacy. What I don't understand, and haven't heard mentioned yet, is how it can be a mortal sin for an unmarried heterosexual couple, but becomes not so bad when it's a homosexual couple in a committed relationship. How does long-term commission of something that should be a sin for an unmarried couple, how can that be okay [for a homosexual couple]?"

Father Schexnayder answered Malley, "The more complex issue of ethical behavior is conscience, which is also Church teaching, is that we cannot in fact determine whether anybody commits a sin; only they can. We can talk about whether a particular objective behavior is considered by the Church or by others to be good or not good, but we cannot determine a sin, because sin by definition involves not only subjective evil but also a choice, a free choice, a knowledgeable choice. In fact, we cannot determine whether a person is committing sin or not; only they can determine that, and conscience is part of it."

Another mother of a 23-year-old daughter said, "When I heard that the bishops have come out with a letter [saying] that Catholic families are supposed to love their homosexual children, personally I was so offended because I have spent two years, three years, going to many different places in the Church, to priests asking them for their prayers [for my daughter] and for them to tell me the truth, [but] I didn't get it. I did not get it (the truth), but I got a lot of priests patting me on the back and telling me 'It's okay.'"

The woman continued, "There's no doubt in my mind that homosexual activity or any sex outside of marriage is wrong. My conscience is formed by what the Church teaches, and that's the way I live. I went to probably 11 or 12 priests, and I was disheartened because no one would tell me 'Yes, the behavior is wrong.'

"Frankly," she told Father Schexnayder, "I'm offended that I don't hear tonight about how we become holy. I haven't heard anything about Confession, because there is sin. There is sin, and we have to make amends for it. We do offend God. The Church does not condone marriage between homosexual couples. And I think you should tell the truth, the whole truth, about what the Church teaches."

Father Schexnayder thanked her and went to the next questioner, a mother who said her son had come to her and told her he wanted to find a husband. Pointing to a handout of the diocese of San Diego's guidelines for "Ministry with Catholics with Homosexual Inclination," she said, "It says right here, 'Under no circumstances can homosexual acts be approved.'"

Father Schexnayder responded, "I have not found any gay or lesbian Catholic who says, 'I don't know what the Church teaches about sexual behavior,' but they don't hear about the rest; therefore, they're isolated and don't have the support system, the sacramental support and others that will help them to work within and integrate that to the best of their ability and conscience. I mean, I know at times we want to make everything clear, and we want to nail everything down, but the problem with not only sexuality but with human life is first of all, we're not God, and the Church is not God.... The nature of spiritual direction is you discern how this all fits, and it's complicated, and we'd like to make it all clear and precise, but life isn't that way, and what God is looking at is the whole quality of the person."

The mother said, "I agree, and it is more than sexuality, but you can't take sex out of homosexuality."

Another homosexual man said, "In terms of marriage, when the Church and the government says that I can get married, then I'll know that unless I get married, I'm living in sin, but until that day comes, I'm not living in sin because it is not a level playing field for me."

The mother responded to him, "I'm married, and if I go and have sex with another man, that is wrong. If I use contraception during the sexual act, that is wrong. I understand that, and I'm living that way."

Another woman said, "I would like to just make the point that where we're going ... is very narrow when you look at the world that way, [that] the Church has these rules. But I see in my lifetime is the Church changes rules, over and over again." Another audience member pointed out, "That's not doctrine," but the woman continued, "As things change ... as we grow and evolve, I think we begin to see the world differently and begin to understand more, and hopefully that's what were doing [here]."

Father Schexnayder told her, "A couple of years ago, it was '97 when we had our national convention for these ministries in Los Angeles, and Cardinal Mahony presided at the liturgy and gave the homily, and he spoke of the importance of seeing that what we are calling gay and lesbian people to is precisely what we call the rest of the Church to, and that's discipleship, following Jesus, and that has many implications, he said. And there are demands in discipleship that are greater and more decisive than sexuality, and that has to do with the demands of the Gospel and all of scripture about justice and human dignity, and he said those are much more demanding, and we don't give enough attention to it."

In his closing comments, Father Ratajczak said, "The diocesan guidelines specifically call for the outreach to gay and lesbian people to be parish-based, and so the idea, the ideal, would be that every parish is doing what we're doing this evening; to be able to ponder that lived experience [of gay and lesbian persons and their families] and move forward."

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