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Philip's Gift To Us

AIDS Sufferer Dies A Decade After Returning to the Church; Friends Held Four-Day Prayer Vigil at His Bedside

BY ANNE KNIGHT

Philip Thorson died on April 16 at age 42. A cradle Catholic and native San Diegan, Philip grew up without a father and was sexually molested as a child. He believed these circumstances acted as a springboard for his entrance into homosexual promiscuity as a teen. According to one friend, he believed he contracted the AIDS virus at about age 16, although he was not diagnosed as HIV positive until his late twenties.

After a drug-related near-death experience in his early twenties, during which Thorson said he experienced the direct mercy of God, "Philip gave up drugs and alcohol and homogenital sex," his former pastor, Father Richard Perozich, explained. "He shed the false identity of 'gay' and began to identify properly as a man, relating properly to other men. To support his decisions, Philip began a deep prayer life, used support groups such as Alcoholics Anonymous, Narcotics Anonymous, and Courage to foster sobriety sexually as well as freedom from drugs and alcohol."

Seven and a half years later, after trying out various denominations, he believed he heard God telling him to return to the Catholic Church one day as he walked by St. John the Evangelist Church in North Park, and he heeded the call. "Monsignor Giesing [then St. John's pastor] had a tremendous influence on him," Theresa Ellis, a long-time friend commented. "Also Monsignor Giesing paid for his voice lessons, so that Philip could sing in the parish choir."

After a few years in the Church, he discovered Courage, the Vatican-approved ministry for persons suffering from same-sex attraction. In 1999, Philip began attending Courage meetings at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart Church, in City Heights, led by then pastor Father Perozich. Philip said that Father Perozich told him, "You're one of the strange ones; you've come to me at the end of your journey, instead of at the beginning."

In his younger years, Philip provided in-home health care and had his own house cleaning business for a time. By his mid thirties, AIDS was taking a serious toll and he was no longer able to work. Clodia Anderson met Philip at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart in 1999, when she, Philip, and their mutual friend Janet Ross joined a parish prayer group. "I listened to him talk, and I thought this man was just amazing; he was so articulate and so brilliant," she recalled.

At the prayer group Philip announced that he was seeking someone to help him at home due to illness. Clodia agreed to help him and worked for him as a home health aid under San Diego County's In Home Supportive Services program. She assisted him with tasks such as house cleaning and shopping and saw him almost every day. "I also talked to him on the phone, because I knew he was lonely and sometimes we would go to church together," Clodia recalled. 'We got to be friends and he told me so much about himself."

Clodia recalled that Philip spent several hours daily reading the Bible and other materials to deepen his faith. "And he played beautiful Christian music all the time," she said. "He loved the Latin Mass and Latin sacred music; he studied a lot about it."

Elizabeth Peck, Our Lady of the Sacred Heart's music director, got to know Philip after he asked to join the choir in 1999. "He was very attentive at rehearsal, a good choir member. Eventually he sat with me at the piano during the 5 p.m. Mass. He would actually sing with me on the bench. He loved doing that, because he always wanted to be part of more than just the Sunday morning choir, so he was attending both Masses. He wanted to give back to the Church and his way of doing it at that time was through music," Elizabeth reminisced. "I knew he was ill and faced a lot of challenges physically and he just dealt with them; I saw a lot of bravery there. The other thing I was really, really impressed with was that he was willing to go public with his own problems in order to help others."

During his years at Our Lady of the Sacred Heart, Philip spoke to the older students in the parish school and to confirmation classes about his journey out of the homosexual lifestyle. Janet Ross was introduced to Philip in 1996, during her first year as the parish's confirmation teacher, when Father Perozich recommended him as a class speaker. He spoke to her class annually for five years. "He sat in the center of a group of 50 kids, telling all the things he did with homosexuality," Janet recalled. 'He was ashamed of it and it was hard for him to do that. He was so humble and the kids just loved him. Every class asked about him for months afterward."

Philip also made some appearances in local Christian media, including the "Catholic Answers Live" radio show and "Night Lights," a local Christian, pro-family cable TV show, where he and Father Perozich were interviewed together by host James Lambert in 2001.

In 2003, Philip returned to St. John the Evangelist Church, shortly after Father William Dillard became pastor. There he joined the choir and was instrumental in establishing a Courage group in the parish. But his health worsened until, on Holy Saturday of this year, Clodia found Philip very disoriented. Theresa Ellis, to whom Philip had granted power of attorney, decided Philip could no longer live alone. "That's when I called Father Dillard, who came over within a half hour, and Philip received the anointing of the sick," Theresa said.

Clodia and Theresa then took him to San Diego Hospice, where "the doctor said he had lesions in his brain. It's called AIDS dementia," Clodia explained.

Philip faded in and out of lucidity during his first two weeks at the hospice. Throughout his time there he was visited almost daily by Fr. Dillard or St. John the Evangelist's Deacon Carl Shelton in addition to family members and numerous friends, including Jerry Usher, host of Catholic Answers Live. Before his death Philip had been anointed several times, including by Father Perozich, who, by coincidence, happened to be in San Diego at that time on a rare visit from his mission parish in Honduras. By Monday, April 11, Philip had contracted pneumonia and slipped into a coma.

Knowing Philip feared dying alone, Janet organized around-the-clock prayer vigils for him at the hospice, starting three days before he died. From Wednesday, April 13 through Saturday morning, April 16, several friends took turns staying in his room, praying, reading Scripture, singing hymns in English and Latin and playing devotional music. Clodia and Janet arranged daily transportation to the hospice for Philip's mother Frances and his sister Edith who live together in Chula Vista but cannot travel by car. In those last days, most of Our Lady of the Sacred Heart's choir members also visited Philip. Mary Ann Carr Wilson, choir director at St. John the Evangelist, and several of her choir members visited Philip and sang to him for hours. Janet reported, "He smiled a couple of times when he was being sung to in Latin."

On Friday afternoon, the day before he died, long-time friend Kathy Kane had noticed that the scapular that Philip habitually wore had been removed, so she brought one in that night and put it on him. "That room was a holy room," she observed. "When Philip was dying, he got everything the Church had to offer: he had holy water and blessed oil in his room, he had a beautiful crucifix, he had a scapular on, he had Catholic prayer and Catholic music, and he had the anointing of the sick several times."

On Saturday morning, April 16, Philip's friend Allyson Smith was alone with him when, "Like Christ on the cross, he gave out a loud cry just before he died," she recalled. She then recited the prayers of the dead over him. "I felt like I was at the foot of the cross."

Clodia saw him shortly after he died and reported that he looked as if he was almost smiling. "He looked very pleasant; he was beautiful. I pressed my head on his head and said, 'You made it, you made it.'"

While acknowledging the fatiguing aspects of the four-day prayer vigils during the last few days prior to Philip's death, the participants were enthusiastic about the experience. "He died a holy death, surrounded by the prayer vigil of his loving Catholic friends and receiving the last rites of the Catholic Church; He finished well," Allyson commented.

"I think we all felt privileged to be there," Janet said. "That was Philip's gift to us."

Other friends also commented that Philip gave them one last gift in the form of his funeral Mass. He had requested a Latin Novus Ordo Mass. Father Dillard complied with this request on April 21. Philip's ashes were blessed and placed in the mausoleum chapel of Holy Cross Cemetery.

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