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Olga Means Holy

San Diego Catholic Families Adopt from Abroad

BY STANFORD ESPEDAL

"Adoption, the Caring Option," reads a frequently seen bumper sticker. For some local Catholics families, the caring option of adopting children has taken them as far as Russia and Hong Kong. I visited with two such families to hear their stories.

Peter and Julie Dudziak were married the Fall of 1999. In June 2005 they adopted two children from Russia: Artur, born in April of 2001; and Elizabeth, born in July of 2004. "What motivated you to adopt?" I asked them.

"We were late bloomers" said Julie. "We got married in our late thirties; I was 38 and Peter was 37. We wanted to become parents and we were trying hard; tracking fertile periods; the whole nine yards. It took me fifteen months to get pregnant, but I miscarried in March of 2002 at eight weeks. We continued to try, and we visited basic infertility treatment centers. They referred us to in-vitro people, and we looked into it, but that just wasn't for us. I started working with an acupuncturist, and got pregnant about six months after that, in 2004; but again miscarried. We had already started the adoption process in October 2003; then when I got pregnant we put it on hold. After the second miscarriage I grieved for a little while, and then got back at it."

Concerning the morality of in-vitro fertilization Julie said, "Pete's brother and his wife have three kids by in-vitro. We certainly understand how the heartbreak of wanting children so badly would lead parents to that option, so we don't judge. But we had to face the question of what they do with extra embryos; what if there were octuplets? The medical answer to that is called 'selective reduction' of embryos, and that just horrified us. It's a form of abortion. Our goal was to be parents, not to be pregnant. So we went for adoption."

"Why did you decide to adopt a Russian child?"

"A couple of reasons," Julie answered. "After the miscarriages we were afraid of anything that might go wrong. U.S. adoption laws are so favorable toward the birth-parents that if the birth-mother changes her mind, even if you've had the child for nine months or a year, she'll get the child back. We didn't want to run the risk of bonding with a child and then possibly losing it. The adoption agency we were working with, Adoption Options in Mission Valley, specialized in two countries: Russia and Kazakhstan. I regret to say, I had never heard of Kazakhstan. Also, the CEO of the company I work for had adopted two children from Russia in the late '90s, and everything worked out well for her, so that was another influence."

"How long did the whole process take?" I inquired.

"About a year and a half," Julie responded. "It was a bit more protracted for us because of our stop-and-start, and because the political climate in Russia got a little more complicated. The trouble started to brew in Decem ber '04, right about the time we finished our paperwork and dossier. We were ready for a referral then, but didn't get the right referral until late March or early April '05. What impacted us the most was a case where there was an independent adoption -- done directly between the adopting parents and the Russian authorities -- and shortly afterward the mother beat the child to death and then donated the child's organs. It created quite an uproar. The authorities suspected Americans of adopting Russian children to sell their parts in the States. There were a couple of cases over a ten-year period, so the Russian courts were heavily scrutinizing all foreign adoptions, especially by Americans. Russian adoption agency workers were more realistic: tragedies happen, but they're very few in comparison with all the good families who want to adopt."

"Are Artur and Elizabeth biological siblings?"

"No, they're not," Julie answered. "They lived in separate orphanages in Rostov (about a thousand miles south of Moscow). But I got the sense, afterward, that they had been 'packaged.' We went in saying we wanted a boy and a girl; it didn't matter which was older; we were looking for an infant and a toddler; we gave them an age range. And we asked that they have only correctable health problems. That was our criteria, and based on that we were presented with a couple of other pairs as well. We had the medical records of the first pair analyzed at an adoption medical clinic in Seattle, and they told us that the children probably had fetal alcohol syndrome. We decided that was more than we were equipped to cope with. So we let the agency know that we would need to move on. The next kids that they referred to us; the boy had already had heart surgery at age three. As hard as it was -- because it makes you feel very mean -- to say again that it was more than we could cope with, that's what we did. The next one was Artur. We got two photographs and a medical record. The medical record looked pretty good, but in the pictures he looked so sad; he looks at those pictures himself now and says, 'Artur sad!' The doctor who evaluated his health records for us had a conference call with the orphanage doctor to get more information, and finally he got a stamp of approval. Then they told us that there was a little girl to go with him, but that we weren't going to get any information on her at all. That's very unusual; they normally give you at least something, but not this time. And this was all in the context of the political climate over there; we were so happy to finally be getting a referral after four months. We knew that Artur was healthy, so we went on blind faith. And we're happy we did. We could tell when we first met Elizabeth, whose name then was Olga...."

"That means 'Holy'" Peter interjected, "it's her middle name now."

"We knew she was just fine," Julie continues. "It turns out that they put her with Artur because they wanted to place him; he was about to turn four and would have been placed in a big boys orphanage where it would have been harder for him to be adopted."

I asked the Dudziak's if their children had been baptized while at the orphanage by a Russian Orthodox priest. Julie: "We're not sure. We know another couple who actually saw their son baptized along with others by a visiting priest. But our children were not in that orphanage. And there was no documentation of baptism. So Father Matt (Spahr) baptized them conditionally."

"How many trips to Russia did you take?"

"Two," Peter answered. "The first was for meeting the kids and checking them out."

"Two trips are mandatory," Julie says. "It seems like the Russians' way of getting you to spend more money in their country. But they want you to bond; they want to see that there's a connection with the child. Everything was witnessed by the social worker and the orphanage director; they're definitely checking you out too. And they made sure we only saw the children we were trying to adopt. That was April 15-20, '05."

Peter added, "On the second trip, [June 4-11, '05] because of the political situation we mentioned before, and some recent bad press about Americans adopting Russian children, we just kept the kids with us in the hotel until it was time to leave; then we were out of there, right to the airport."

"How much did the whole process cost? I asked.

"About $48,000," Julie said. "However, I want to clarify that our costs were at least $10,000 higher because we adopted two children instead of only one. There was a placement fee of $5500 per child on the Russian side, and then our agency charged a fee per child as well. I don't recall the exact amount, but the fee varies depending on the age of the child adopted. The older the child, the lower the fee. Other factors that influenced the cost included the time of year we traveled; if we had traveled to Russia in winter, the airfare and hotel costs would have been substantially less. Lastly, the region in which your child is located impacts the cost. Because we had to fly to our children's home town, our costs were higher than if they had been located within driving distance of Moscow."

Peter and Julie had a surprise once they settled into life with Artur and Elizabeth. Perhaps, Julie speculates, because the emotional pressure of wanting to be parents was relieved, she was able to conceive shortly after their return from Russia. On February 20, 2006 she gave birth to a boy, Adam. "We're so grateful to God for each of our children," she said.

Henry and Marilyn Ng already had two children: Alan, born in February of 1988; and Kara, born in April of 1989. But they added to their family with two separate adoptions from Hong Kong: Tami, born in February of 1997; and Justin, born in July of 2001.

"What made you decide to adopt?" I asked them.

Mari (pronounced Mary) answered, "We felt our kids were getting older and we didn't like the thought of not having any more children. When Alan and Kara were younger we were really busy with them, but when they get to a certain age we thought, 'Hey, we could handle more kids!' But even when we were younger I thought I'd like to adopt."

I asked, "Why Hong Kong, as opposed to, say, mainland China?"

Mari said, "We had initially started by looking to China, which is very popular for adoptions. I got the paperwork and I was astounded at how many hoops they want you to jump through. So I thought, let me see if there's another country where the process might be easier. That's when I remembered that we have friends who had adopted from Hong Kong. After talking to them I inquired at our agency, and they sent me the Hong Kong application, and it was so easy! It was like night and day."

"Which agency did you use?"

Mari: "We used two; for Tami we used Holt International, and for Justin we used Family Connections Christian Adoptions. Our friends introduced us to Holt, which was the first international adoption agency, started by a Christian couple after the Korean War. I found Family Connections Christian Adoptions on the internet, through a Yahoo adoption group. When I looked into it I decided to go with them; they were really good and their fees were a lot lower than Holt's. Besides, Holt was transitioning out of Hong Kong adoptions at that time."

How long did the process take for each child?

Mari: "For Tami it was very fast; only ten months from when I began the application to the day we got her. Justin took a little longer; about fifteen months. But as it turned out, he became available at just the time that we were free to travel."

Thinking of Russian requirements, I asked, "Were you required to make two trips?"

"No, only one" Mari said. "Actually, in Hong Kong, you're not required to make any trips. If you wish, a social worker will escort the child over to the United States for you, and there are many who do come over like that. I think the reason for that is because some adopting families are incredibly generous and adopt quite a few children, so they would not be able to leave their children and go abroad. But we wanted to go. Among other things, Henry had relatives in Hong Kong, so we thought it would be nice to visit them."

Henry added, "Mari was homeschooling Alan and Kara, but she was able to keep up with their lessons during the flight. And she incorporated Asian studies into their curriculum while they were there. We also wanted to meet the foster parents and see what they were like; to see the area Tami was from and get a sense of her roots. I'm glad we were able to go there and do that as a family."

Concerning the costs of their adoption, Mari said, "For Tami's adoption in 1999 the agency fees alone were around $9,000. Then you have to add airfare, hotels, and food. Costs will also vary depending on how many people go. We took our whole family. Obviously it won't be as much if you're a childless couple. Then you have immigration fees. With Justin, in 2004, the agency fee was only $2,450.

I asked both couples what advice they would give to families considering a foreign adoption. Henry said, "I think having a good agency is critical; people who will work well with you and have experience in the area where you want to adopt. You need an agency that is familiar with the agencies on the other end, whether it's Latin America, Russia, or Hong Kong. Things will go much smoother for you that way."

Julie Dudziak said, "Just do it! It's the most rewarding thing we've ever done. People say to us how lucky the kids are, and our response is, 'Oh no, we are the lucky ones.' It's incredible to see how they respond to our love. So just do it; it'll change your life in an amazing way." Peter added, "Foreign adoption, domestic, it doesn't matter; just adopt."

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