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Contents © 2002
by Jim Holman.
All rights reserved.

MAY 2002 CONFESSIONS

CLINTON DIDN'T GET AWAY WITH IT

When I was about fourteen years old, I was kissed by a priest. The act did not have the character of an assault, but of a line crossed; he was affectionate with lots of youngsters, in ways that few people thought inappropriate. But this time, during a racquetball match, he began kissing me on the lips, hugging me as he did so. If my memory serves, I froze and said nothing as he told me that he loved me and that I was a beautiful person. My father recalls that when he asked me how the game went, I replied rather coolly, "Too much hugging and kissing."

Dad eventually repeated our conversation to the bishop. The bishop said he was very sorry for what had happened, and that he would confront the priest, which he did. Shortly thereafter, the priest was moved into chaplain work with the elderly.

Later, some time after the installation of a new bishop, the diocese was sued because the priest had molested two other boys, aged ten and eleven. The case was settled out of court. As part of the settlement, the diocese agreed to provide a letter reading, "Please accept this letter as an apology for any unfortunate happenings which you feel may have happened to you and your family stemming from your participating in church activities."

I don't think my faith in the Church was shaken by my encounter; in fact, I continued to think about joining the priesthood. The sins of men -- or at least, the fleshy sins of men -- did not tilt me toward a strangled, helpless rage, and this is true today. In indulgent moments, I have imagined myself responding to some smug Church-basher, "I don't care if it comes out that the pope has a secret sex dungeon full of eight-year-old boys and that Pius XII helped build the gas chambers at Auschwitz with Church funds. These are men, and men sin. Christ's saying about knowing trees by their fruit notwithstanding (the same tree has borne great saints), such actions would not alter the truth of the Church. Nor would they alter my docility to that truth."

What makes me feel like weeping and lashing out is the response. Then: "Unfortunate happenings which you feel may have happened." Now: "The media is distorting the problem. The cases are relatively few, and most date from long ago. Many bishops have responded effectively. We trusted too much in therapy, and thought these men posed no further threat." These kind of statements remind me of Bill Clinton's televised semi-apology during the Lewinsky scandal. He reminded America that he lied only during a deposition that had nothing to do with Lewinsky, and that the case had never gone to court. He danced around the simple "I'm sorry I lied" that the nation demanded.

Clinton didn't get away with it -- whatever the truth of his claims, there was an outcry about his defensiveness, about his perceived lack of contrition. Eventually, he broke down and gushed his mea culpas. The bishops, on the other hand, seem oblivious to what is required for healing. It's gotten to the point where my pious mother wonders if they don't think much healing is required, if they don't think what happened to these children is all that bad. A spokesman for the U.S. Bishops Conference said, "This is not Watergate, it's Whitewater." He's mistaken; it's much worse than either. Losing your faith in your president is nothing compared to losing your faith in your Church, and at least some of the molested have left the fold.

For a while, I was sympathetic to what seemed a great silence from the orthodox -- what to say? We couldn't support the bishops' practices of shuffling multiple offenders from parish to parish, but neither could we topple our bishops. Now, I'm less sympathetic. I long to hear a straightforward confession: "I failed in my duty as a shepherd of souls; I beg the forgiveness of God and my flock, and I will do whatever I can to bring healing to those affected by my failings." But instead, I hear careful talk about regret and inappropriate handling. It sounds like political talk, and it makes me feel like I'm dealing with political men. It makes me feel like taking a political tack -- ceasing to give money to my diocese, making public protests in front of bishops' residences. It makes me feel like writing Rome and saying, Throw the bums out.

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