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by Jim Holman.
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BALLET WAS MY FIRST CONVENT
It's hard to imagine that a young, intelligent woman desiring to become a nun would find no order to take her. Yet that is what happened to Sister Mary Alphonsa Nicassio. Born and raised in Los Angeles, Sister Mary Alphonsa, 50, knew she wanted to become a nun since she was eight years old. "We moved around LA quite a bit," she said."I went to Westchester High School and St. Anastasia's Church, where I received my first sacraments. When I was much younger, I'd look at the pictures of religious life in books, and I thought it was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen.
"I didn't play any sports, but I practiced ballet," continued Sister. "That was my first convent! We all had to look the same, you never got to talk to anybody and it was wonderful! It was a chance to perfect something that was beautiful. It's a very old art, very disciplined and I loved classical music. I studied voice and piano. I also studied choral direction. I couldn't afford to go to college, but it would have been wonderful. My dream was to go to Julliard."
"I've always been faithful to the Catholic Church, but at one point, when everything changed, I couldn't go to Mass. They didn't have the Tridentine Mass, and I felt that the Church had taken the Mass away. Then, by the grace of God, I heard that someone was still saying the Tridentine Mass -- an independent, retired Jesuit."
After high school, Sister Mary Alphonsa pursued her vocation while supporting herself by working for the city of Los Angeles and hiring herself out as a musician. "I started by going to different monasteries, trying to see where my vocation was, seeking spiritual direction. The closest one to me was Dominican, in Hollywood. They saw in me more of a Benedictine spirituality and they directed me to the Benedictines. I went to St. Andrew's monastery at Valyermo and the Camaldolese in Big Sur, and I found that was very much where I fit in.
"I wrote to all the different convents, and visited many of them, but I couldn't find anything at that time -- the late 1970s -- that was maintaining the traditions. I couldn't find any place that had the traditional Roman Catholic Mass. The traditional breviary was not being used and even the rosary was not a primary focus of their prayer. They didn't even pray it together. With every tradition it was, 'oh no, we don't do that anymore.'
"My spiritual director was the chief theologian to Cardinal [Timothy] Manning before he was under Roger Mahony. I ran into the modernist blocks, so I continued to do retreats and study. I tried to get the canonical approval which allows a woman to take a perpetual vow of virginity and still live in the world. I went after that, fulfilled all the requirements, and was approved by the tribunal of the archdiocese of Los Angeles -- then it was thrown out by Roger Mahony. In fact, he wrote to me and said that a vow of virginity was not necessary for discipleship to Christ.
"So I said, 'O.K., I'll apply again in another year,' and I did. I was being represented by the judicial vicar, and Cardinal Mahony said, 'I don't even want to hear about it, because I'm not going to even consider this.' But I was given permission to apply to different dioceses and I found out that the bishops were not even bothering with it because the vicars were going towards the feminist attitudes.
In 1988 "I went to the Camaldoli in New York and they started me with some simple promises." Bernard Fellay, a bishop of the Society of St. Pius X, consecrated her, and she began her life as a Hermit Sister of Saint Benedict. While she admitted that the Society of St. Pius X is schismatic, she noted that they have valid orders and sacraments. She said, too, that she does not adhere to everything they believe.
Sister Mary Alphonsa's hermitage is located near Hemet, in Riverside County. "It's not even on the Thomas Brothers map," she said. "I've got about a quarter of an acre here and it's very quiet." A priest, Father James Wright, offers the Tridentine Mass for her on Sundays and Holy Days. She supports herself with a small pension from the city of Los Angeles and self-produced religious tapes. "I also have a couple of piano students. I don't advertise, because it's a very private place here."
A woman "inspired and interested" in religious life, said Sister Mary Alphonsa, must remember that "it takes a process of time because it is a very important decision. You don't just 'check in'. God moves you slowly, but He doesn't leave you half-done."